Signs of Spring, ca. 1984

This penetrating essay, extolling the virtues of Spring, was most likely penned in the second grade. I still agree with the sentiments contained therein, although I hope my spelling and handwriting have improved at least marginally….

Sgt. Wienke, 1939-45

Happy Veteran’s Day.

My grandfather was a platoon sergeant in the Army during World War II, and was a combat veteran. He served in the Pacific Theater, and used to regale me with tales of his travels in Papua New Guinea, the Philippines, Guam, Hawaii, Japan, and other small islands.

Halloween Party Invitation, 1990

The Ghost Who Lost His Temper, 1986

R.I.P., 1987

Color Word Monsters, 1982

Disciplinary Letter From Resident Hall Director [Breakin' the Law], 1996

Passed Notes: The Tiffany Files

When I was in junior high and high school, it was pretty common for girls to pass notes. The notes were generally pretty inconsequential; but occasionally contained juicy gossip, or a funny anecdote from the days proceedings. I suspect the passed note (along with other forms of handwritten communication) has probably become an artifact in teenagerdom, given the ascendancy of e-mail and text messaging.

World Wrestling Federation Card, May 30, 1991

I was really into professional wrestling when I was a kid. I don’t exactly know what interested me , but here’s what I now suspect was going on.

“Fluvial Geomorphology,” 1998

Another collaborative piece from Billy and I’s “Art Movement” in 1998.

“Choad Boy in a Red Dress is Chased by a Goateed Hipster With a Baseball Bat and by Comedian Andrew “Dice” Clay Who Has An Axe, While a Very Short Abe Lincoln Impersonator Monitors the Proceedings,” 1998

“Mean Ass Nazi on a Magic Carpet Throws Grenade at Hippie (with a lemon for a hand), Ghandhi (midget version), a Doggie, a Piece of Corn, and a Log, Under a Blue Moon”, 1998

Back in college, my friend Billy and I decided to start an art movement. It was an art movement of 2, kind of born out of our experiences in a modern art class we were both taking. We had an empty room in the big house were were rooming in, so it became a workspace and art gallery display area. I saved some of our “artwork” for posterity, and this is one of my pieces.

1st Grade Drawing Exercise, 1983

I guess I was trying to go for Hitler for the “bad lad.” And “rat on a cat” came out looking a little obscene.

Poop Doodles III

Yet another remnant of the bathroom from a college apartment that I shared with my BFFs Billy, Kari, and Jamie in 1998-1999 in Urbana, IL. See the two earlier posts here or here.

Anger worksheet from third grade

Sometime in third grade, we had to fill out these worksheets describing how we dealt with feelings of anger. Mine is simultaneously funny and sad.

It is OK to feel anger sometimes. I get angry when…
When people bug me.

When I get angry I want to…
Kick something.

I remember once when I was so angry I wanted to cry.
Here is the story.
When I went to the Hospital I was so mad. I cried and wanted to go home bad.