“In The Past, People Were Dumb” : 101 Stupid Term Paper Titles

The following is an article I wrote with my friend Billy for the first issue of my ‘zine Alco-Beat, from around 2001 or so. After spending some time in graduate school, we were amazed at the seemingly ludicrous topics you could get away with writing papers about. So we brainstormed on some that would probably be too stupid to actually use.

101 Term Paper Titles
From Stacey and Billy

Having a hard time coming up with a topic for an impending paper? Well, look no further, friend, for we have compiled a short list of possible academic avenues for you to explore. What follows is a list of paper titles followed by a suggestion of a class or two that the topic may prove useful for. WARNING: These titles may not guarantee you a good grade. In fact, they may even get you expelled! Because some of ’em are just plain offensive! And some of ’em are probably just unwritable because the subject may not even exist. But ironically enough, some of them may actually be do-able. (In graduate school. If your department has a sense of humor.)

1.”Damn the War All to Hell: The Movement of Midgets to The Factory from the Movies” –American History

2.”An In Depth Analysis of Macro-Economics in the Shit-Ass Waste of Space called Pakistan”– Economics

3. “No More Straddling the Washing Machine: Selecting a Personal Vibrator for Yourself”–Human Sexuality. Health

4.”I Love that Damn Dog! : Air Bud and The Dialectic or Everyday Life”–Cultural Studies, Film

5 .”Water and Stuff”– Fluvial Geomorphology

6. “Open Up and Say AHHHHH! Vowel Sounds and Buttmetal”– Linguistics

7.” Spencer’s Fairie Queene: Where the Hell Are the Gay Guys??” — English Literature

8. “MY PHILOSOPHY IS: YOU SUCK” — Philosophy

9.”The Land of Happy Trees: Rob Ross, The Man, The Legend” — Art History

10.”A Methodology of Fieldwork: Expanding Our Horizons By Sleeping With One Another” – Anthropology

11. “The Formation of the Coast of London” –Geography

12. “Analysis of an Autograph L.P. Played Backwards. Subliminal Messages From Stalin (I Was A Cross-Dresser)” — History

13. “Can You Get Venereal Disease From Sleeping With Your Dog?” – Health

14. “When Senile Old People Lose All of Their Teeth and Resort to Gumming Their Food: A Case Analysis Involving Applesauce as a Solution to their Dietary Needs” –Nutrition

15 “Salad Bar Sneeze Guards: Are They Really Effective?”-Home Economics

16. “If You Touched the Sun You Would Burn Into a Hot-Ass Crisp” —Astronomy

17 ” Corn is Stupid cause Cracker-Ass Whiteys Grow it in the Midwest, the Epicenter of Cracker-Assity” – Agriculture

18. “Crime and Poverty in Urban Delaware, Sudan” -Geography

19.” Picasso and his Use of Box-People”–Art History

20. “The Fallacy of the Authoritarian Panopticon, or, Look! I’m on Candid Camera” –Cultural Studies

21. “Is it a Headache, or is it Legionnaires Disease?”- Health

22. “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap: Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter: Sex and the Single Puritan” — American Literature

23. “A Comparative History of the Guy Who Invented Barbed wire and Boh Barker, Genius of the 20th Century and Leader of the New Millennium” – History

24. “They Sure Make Purdy Blankets: Navajo Indians in Contemporary Society”-Anthropology, Folklore

25.”An In Depth Linguistic Analysis of EZ Tax Forms” -Linguistics

26. “The Invention of the Beard and Mustache Trimmer and its Effects on 9th Century British Monks”-History

27. “Jesus Christ, But I Love Them Big Boobs on Chicks in Comic Books!”-Communication Studies

28. “Pay Me Back Jerry, Or I’ll Come to Your house and Break Your Fuckin’ Legs: A Study of Bookie-onomics”-Economics

29. “Clifford the Big Red Dog and Crime and Punishment, a Comparative Analysis”- Comparative Literature

30. “Counting to Ten: How to Do It Properly and Not Hurt Yourself” -Mathematics

31. “Sartre and Italian Game Shows: OR: Existentialism’s Just Not the Same in a Vat of Strawberry Jello” -Philosophy

32. “Persuasion and Cooking Shown- Or how Jeff Smith Taught Me to Hate” -Speech Communication

33. “Warhol- He Was Really was into Soup, Apparently “-Art History

34. “Bourgeois Nationalism in Abu Dhabi: Shareef Kadir and his Unfair Thighmaster Monopoly ” — Economics

35. “How to Make a Volcano at Home with Vinegar and Baking Soda” – Chemistry

36. “Making a Robot out of a Broomstick and an Old Bong” -Mechanical Engineering

37. “A Review of the Research of the Cognitive Capabilities of People from Rhode Island: The Dumbest People Alive!!” – Cognitive Psychology

38. “Ghostbusters: One Fine Ass Motion Picture” -Cinema Studies

39. “Pulleys and Levers Make Things do Stuff that is Important”-Physics

40. “This Cool Picture of My Friend Lisa on Spring Break in Florida: Whooooo!” -History of Photography

41. “Modern Rituals Associated with Death: That Rob Schneider Office-Guy Sketch About Uncle Dirtnap”–Anthropology. Folklore

42. “Plays About Boring Ass Rich People Who Like to Whine: A Survey”- Theater History

43. “Transformers: One Balls Out Cartoon Show” -Media Studies

44. “Herpes: One Balls-Out STD” -Health

45. “Why Burt Reynolds and Dom Delouise are Solely Responsible for the Feminization of Poverty” -Sociology

46. “The Eternal Conflict Between the Crips and the Trobrianders” -Sociology

47. “Billy From Melrose Place, The Biggest Dolt in Primetime TV History” – Media Studies

48. “The Formation of the Continent of Kowabunga: The Birthplace of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” -Geography

49. “Is it a Bump or is it a Goiter? How to Protect Yourself” -Health

50. “Chaucer’s Secret Canterbury Tale: The Tale of The Pimp with the Heart of Gold (and a wooden leg)” -English Literature

51.”An In-depth Comparison of The Son of Mad Libs and James Joyce’s Ulysses” –Comparative Literature

52. “Population Analysis of Downers Grove and Buffalo Grave, IL: Why White People Live in Groves”-Geography

53. “Willard Scott and Why I Would Never Play Poker with Him” -Statistics

54. “The Cultural Vernacular of the Diminishing Population of Chinese-Mexican Refugees in Suburban Lima, Peru” -Geography

55. “The History of Bulgarian Landscape Architects in Bangladesh” -Landscape Architecture

56. “My Heart and Ass Heart: A Kick-Ass Title for a Movie about Ass Cancer that Could Star Meryl Streep” -Cinema Studies

57. The Problem with Dictators: Too Bossy “-Political Science

58. “Funk and Wagnall’s Encyclopedia Vol. Q’ and Toni Morrison’s Beloved” -Comparative Literature

59. “Why People With English Accents Always Sound More Wise” -Linguistics

60. “The Importance of the Ass In Subsistence Farming in Contemporary Ghana”-Geography

61. “Hate Politics and Cooking Shows: Emeril, the Disciple of a Scary New Movement” ~ Political Science

62. “Foosball and How It Can Solve Southeast Asia’s Economic Woes” -Economics

63. “Metallica Rulez!”-Music Appreciation

64. “E-Mail Could have Prevented the Cuban Missile Crisis” -Political Science

65. “In the Past, People Were Dumb” -History

66.”The Funkadelic Relic: Fidel Castro, Harbinger of Hip-Hop” -Political Science, Music Appreciation

67. “Don’t Say Can’t Never Did Anything- Selections from Books” -English

68. ‘Transcendental Utilitarianism Philosophy in Luxembourg” -Philosophy

69. “Magnesium: One Fly-Ass Element” -Chemistry

70. “When You Visit Copenhagen, Be Sure to Buy LSD From This Guy Steffe…Cuz he Rocks!”-Geography

71. ‘The First Ragin’ Kegger in the US.-The Boston Tea Party” -US. History

72.”They Weren’t No Bonnie and Clyde: Graham Wood’s American Gothic” -Art History

73. “Wrong Turn at Albuquerque: The Lush Topiary Gardens of Manson, Kansas” -Landscape Architecture

74. “My Dodgeball Dream Team; Captain Lou Albano, Vincent Van Gogh, Abe Lincoln, The Menard’s Guy, Steve Buscemi, Abbott, and Costello: Why We Would Rule” -Leisure Studies

75.’The Marxist Impact on the Lemonade Stand: Pucker Up, Beardy ” -Political Science

76.’This Rock I Found in My Uncle’s Creek is Really Sparkly but is Nothing Special”-Geology

77.”Noble Gases: Just Who Do They Think They Are, Anyway? Jeez,” -Chemistry

78.”Pee Wee’s Big Adventure: The 1980s Citizen Kane “-Cinema Studies

79.’T Know What You Are, But What Am I?’: Why People with Multiple Personalities Get Nowhere Dy Arguing with Themselves”-Psychology

80. “AC/DC and Why They Are Responsible for Nutella and it’s Yummy, Nutty Flavor”-Music Appreciation

81. “If My Poop is Green, Am I Gonna Die?” -Health

82. “A Detailed Analysis of Neolithic Bone fragments and Light Fixtures While Smoking Pot” – Anthropology

83. ‘The History of Modem Day Lapland: Home of the Famous Lap-Dancers” -History

84. “Is it Dementia or Am I Really a Piece of Toast (with raspberry jam and three crusts, slightly burnt)?”- Psychology

85. “Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke; The Greatest Film of All Time (Or perhaps a close second to It’s Pat, The Movie)” -Cinema Studies

86. “Shit On Me: Poop in Performance Art, an Aesthetic Analysis” -Art History

87. “Einstein’s Field Theory and the Development of the Klingon Bird of Prey”-History, Philosophy of Science

88.”El Burrito Giganto, Mama Mia!” — Spanish

89. “My Life as a Swordfish: By Bob A. Swordfish” -Marine Biology, Genealogy

90. “Kitty’s Been Poppin’ Ludes and Playing with Bricks: The Deterioration of the Nuclear Family” -Sociology

91.”Boris Yeltsin: A Big, Fat, Oaf: How He Could only Rule Russia or the United States” -Political Science

92.”Titanic Would Have Been a Better Movie is the Ship Didn’t Sink and if They Drank More Beer” -Cinema Studies

93. “How a Logarithm Can Induce Orgasm” -Mathematics

94. “How to Make a Battery From a Lemon, A Red Licorice Whip, and Duct Tape: The MacGuyver Method “–Engineering

95. ‘The Forgotten Body Part: Our Friend the Bursa” -Anatomy

96. “Coniferous Trees Do It With Themselves” – Biology

97. “Millard Fillmore: Svengali or Procrastinator?” -Political Science

98. “Insane downs in the 18th Century” -Insane Clown History

99. “Poor People Cause a Lot of Problems, Plus They Just Smell: My Sorority Sister Says so” -Sociology

100. “A Postmodern Critique of the (Dis)course of Post-Enlightenment, Post-Structuralist, French Dog Trainers” -Cultural Studies

101.”A Comparison of Gore Vidal’s Lincoln and Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary “- Comparative Literature


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